


300 Cookies

by CelestialVoid



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Cookies, Crack, Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 21:29:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19035949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialVoid/pseuds/CelestialVoid
Summary: Steve is 95% of Tony’s impulse control, so when Steve is gone, there’s no one there to stop Tony from trying to eat three hundred cookies in an hour.





	300 Cookies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notsopowerfulowl (theowlgalaxy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theowlgalaxy/gifts).



> Happy Birthday, notsopowerfulowl! ❤

“Steve’s gone, so I’m going to buy three hundred triple choc chip cookies and eat them all in one hour,” Tony announced, his voice as nonchalant and factual as if he were merely announcing the weather forecast.

Bruce blinked in surprise, slowly turning to face his friend. His mouth hung open, his jaw working around unspoken words as he processed what the man had just said.

“Why?” he asked when he finally found his voice.

“Because he’s like ninety-five percent of my impulse control,” Tony answered.

There was a quiet hiss behind them as the automatic door slid open and Bucky dragged his feet into the room, looking dishevelled and fatigued.

“Bucky, surely you can talk some sense into him,” Bruce begged.

The man looked up at them, his eyes flicking from Bruce’s shocked expression to Tony. “What’s going on?”

“I’m going to buy three hundred triple choc chip cookies and eat them all in one hour,” Tony repeated as if it were nothing. He reached across the counter and switched on the percolator, grabbing a mug from the shelf and setting it down on the counter for Bucky.

“Why not four hundred?” Bucky asked without missing a beat.

“Bucky!” Bruce squawked. He wheeled around, looking to where Clint and Natasha walked through the door. “Clint, Nat, help me out here,” he begged.

“Coffee first,” Clint muttered, rubbing his tired eyes.

“What’s going on?” Nat asked as she sat down on a bar stool and leant forward on the stainless-steel counter.

“Tony wants to buy three hundred cookies and eat them all,” Bruce explained.

“In one hour,” Tony added.

“Yay, cookies,” Clint muttered, waiting for Bucky to finish with the percolator before grabbing two mugs and pouring himself and Nat coffee. He passed the second mug across the counter to the woman.

“I take it Steve’s not here?” she asked.

Bruce shook his head. “He left for a meeting with the UN Council an hour ago.”

“And I have no impulse control,” Tony said with a mischievous smirk.

Natasha nodded.

“Three hundred cookies?” she repeated questioningly.

“Three hundred triple choc chip cookies,” he specified.

“If you get six hundred and share, I’ll bring the vodka,” she offered.

“Not helping,” Bruce objected.

Nat shot him a look before turning back to Tony. “Milk, then.”

“I’ll give you fifty bucks if you make it in fifteen minutes,” Carol said with a smirk as she made her way over from the window to grab an apple from the bowl on the counter.

Peter bounded into one of the bar stools. “Can I film it and put it on YouTube? If you die, who gets your suit?” he asked. “Wait, can we bake them? I can help.”

“Last time you tried to cook something, you nearly burnt the kitchen down,” Carol reminded him gently, patting his shoulder as she passed him and walked back over to sit in one of the leather armchairs in the corner of the room.

“What is the meaning of this gathering?” Thor asked as he entered the room.

“Coffee,” Clint said, holding up his cup.

“Thor, help me out here,” Bruce pleaded, “Tony wants to buy three hundred cookies and eat them in one hour. Please, help me convince him otherwise.”

Thor turned to look at Tony. “You wish to eat three hundred cookies in an hour?”

Tony nodded.

A wicked grin lifted the corners of the god’s lips. “No one can eat more cookies than I!” he boasted. “I shall join you in your endeavour, but it is I that shall be victorious!"

Bruce let out an exasperated groan, dragging his hand down his face.

"You know,” T’Challa started slowly, his voice startling them and making them turn to where he sat on one of the nearby couches with a book in his lap. “I know you have plenty of money, Stark, but for the sake of watching this play out… I'll buy."

“Oh, for the love of—” Bruce cut himself off. He dug into his pocked and pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he found the one he wanted. “You leave me no choice, Tony.”

The phone rang once before a familiar voice answered, “ _Hello?_ ”

“Hey, Steve, sorry to bother you,” Bruce said, “but I need you to stop Tony from doing something stupid.”

He heard Steve groan. “ _What’s he doing this time?_ ”

Bruce switched the phone to loud speaker. “Tony, tell him what you’re going to do.”

“I’m going to buy three hundred triple choc chip cookies and eat them all in one hour,” Tony repeated nonchalantly.

The other end of the call went silent and Bruce could only imagine the expression on Steve’s face.

Steve sighed. “ _Tony_ …”

“Yeah?”

“ _Save some for me_.”

“Wait, what?” Bruce sputtered.

“ _Sorry, Bruce, but sometimes even I can’t stop Tony from eating triple choc chip cookies—he likes his cookies_.”

Bruce dragged his free hand down his face.

“ _Is Tony still there?_ ” Steve asked.

“Yeah, I’m here,” Tony answered.

“ _Can you at least wait until I’m back so that Bruce doesn’t have to deal with you all complaining about stomach aches?_ ”

“How long are you going to be?” Tony whined.

“ _The meeting starts in half an hour and should only take a couple of hours. I’m hoping to be home by three. Can you hold off until then?_ ”

“That’ll give us plenty of time to bake them!” Peter said excitedly.

“ _Please don’t_ ,” Steve said, panicked. “ _Last time you tried to cook something, you nearly burnt the whole tower down._ ”

Peter pouted.

Tony turned to him and mouthed ‘We’re going to bake them’.

A bright smile lit the boy’s face.

“Okay, I promise, I will wait until you get back,” Tony said. “But I _am_ going to eat three hundred triple chocolate chip cookies in an hour,” he added with determination.

“ _Alright, I’ll see you all when I get back_ ,” Steve farewelled before hanging up.

There was a moment of tense silence as everyone shared questioning glances.

“Okay,” Tony said slowly. “Let’s start baking.”

“I’m out!” Bruce cried out, throwing his hands up as he stormed out of the room.

The last thing he heard before the door slid shut behind him was Bucky saying, “I’ll get the fire extinguisher.”


End file.
